In My Life Read online

  Lucas walked away. Sometimes that was the only option.

  Chapter 15

  IT WAS MINKA AND SVEN who greeted Lauren in Sun Valley. Now that she was out of Miami, she second-guessed her whole decision. She had run like a coward. All of her stuff was still in her apartment in Miami. Her entire trip had been anticlimactic. During the drive to Atlanta, Minka scanned the roads while her strange rescuer drove, but there were no vehicles following. The flight was just like any other. And now she had arrived.

  Sven brought her to the little apartment that he and Minka shared while visiting Drake over the holidays. Lauren was disheartened and terrified.

  “The operation wasn’t about you. Or at least not solely about you,” said Sven. He offered her something to drink. Lauren went for the root beer.

  “It was, though” Lauren said simply as she pulled the tab, releasing the fizz and taking a gulp as if her life depended on it.

  “They used you for cover. Once Kendall knew you were running, he set up a meeting with CTV’s Director of Operations, a real up-and-comer. The man was found dead at the airport this morning, stuffed in the trunk of his car.”

  “That makes no sense. How would I be a cover? Kendall was the only one to know I was there. And he spent a lot of resources chasing me.”

  “McFarland and Drake both knew. You are Kendall’s, but from some perspectives, you could also be seen as Drake’s, and Lucas is McFarland’s. Most of the men were Kendall’s, but they would all say they were there to search for you. The dead guy would be a surprise to all. Whoever killed him would say he was there looking for you. With so many people in the area, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly who did what to whom. I know it was Kendall. But anyone looking from the outside wouldn’t know who to blame.” Sven paced the area between dining area and living room while Minka sat next to Lauren, quietly listening.

  Lauren said, “Why would Kendall care about some CTV guy? We’re not even in direct competition.” Lauren studied SpaceTech before signing up. She knew their competitors. She knew what they were researching. She dug deep before she drove across the country to work for SpaceTech.

  “My guess is he tried bribery or extortion. He and Kendall frequently golfed together. Maybe Kendall gave up a secret accidentally and needed to cover himself.”

  “No, If Kendall gave up a secret, it was no accident.” Lauren couldn’t get her mind off of the video of her on the beach. Now that she had left SpaceTech, he would release that video and she would be ruined. Maybe Lucas would marry her, and her parents would forgive her beach-side fornication. Either way, Kendall didn’t make mistakes. He planned too well for a slip-up.

  Sven thought on that. He replied, “The Director of Operations at CTV is dead, and the biotech industry is in an uproar. This is the fourth cover-up this year. There were the two scientists who died by suicide last July. Most of the tech people say that John Bartlett’s motorcycle crash was an arranged death. He worked for McFarland.”

  “I’m with the conspiracy theorists on those,” Lauren said. She’d heard about Emery, one of the scientists who belonged to one of the smaller startups. Front door wide open and his neighbors heard a car drive off moments after the shot that killed him. No way was that a suicide. Lucas told her about that one.

  Sven nodded, “Just don’t mention your theories to any of the biotech employees under military contract. Something like that gets around, and you find yourself on the street.”

  “Kind of like I am right now.” Lauren sighed and took a sip of soda.

  Sven laughed, more brittle than genuine, “McFarland has been calling every hour to talk to you. I finally told him we’d have you call him back tomorrow.”

  “Every hour? For what?”

  He wants to hire you.

  “After what happened with Spokane? No way.”

  “It’s a stretch to suspect McFarland. If Drake had the slightest whiff that McFarland had hurt his team, he would have killed the AIT sale.”

  Lauren’s mouth dropped open and she set the soda firmly on the table. “What? He sold AIT to McFarland?”

  “Controlling shares, anyway. Actually a couple of the rich and famous in New York are in on it as well. I probably met them but didn’t pay attention. At any rate, Drake is ready for a new adventure.”

  Lauren shook her head. She had heard of stupid, but this was borderline insane. What was he thinking? At least they weren’t dating anymore, so she didn’t have to concern herself with Drake’s pointed blindness. She said, “I can’t believe he did that. He’s not paying close enough attention to McFarland. The guy’s a snake.”

  “You’ve seen how hard we all work. Yeah, the money’s good, but sometimes you have to live. As far as McFarland goes, there are plenty of rumors, but not much evidence.” Sven glanced over at Minka and the warmth in his eyes gave Lauren that slight twinge of jealousy. Her own lover, if she dared call him that, was in Virginia with the enemy. The thought turned Lauren’s heart cold.

  Lauren went to bed that night in a strange home feeling displaced and alone. She replayed all of her moments with Lucas, every one, and wondered what was real and what was a game to win her trust. She had trusted him, but when it came time to choose between Lauren and McFarland, it was pretty clear what Lucas chose. He knew how she felt, and where was he? Virginia...with McFarland.

  With a deep sigh, Lauren turned, stretching her legs and rearranging the pillow. For the first few minutes she could hear the murmurings of Sven and Minka in the next room. Lauren ached for Lucas. Honestly, she missed him every second while he was away. That was part of what hurt so much, that what she thought was a real thing, a relationship that she could bet her future on, would turn out to be just another disappointment.

  Replaying the past few months, Lauren thought about Kendall and Miami, about the murder of that director, about the hit piece on her in the Miami Times, and Tom in the hospital, injured so severely he might never regain consciousness again.

  Too much too fast, and the only people she trusted had their own lives and their own troubles. Lauren knew Kendall needed to be gone. Even if you put aside the extortion and mind games, he as much as bragged about putting Tom in the hospital. Unprovable, and he knew it. He probably had an air tight alibi and a squeaky clean answer.

  That little nudge at Lauren was a play of his own. She recognized what she was supposed to do, which was exactly why she couldn’t do it. Lauren was supposed to accuse Kendall of Tom’s injuries. The whole accusation would cause mass hysteria because she was already in the papers as a spy. The answering crescendo would utterly destroy her. Meanwhile, the people who might have suspected VP Kendall at the beginning would backpedal because he would come out looking so damn innocent.

  Staring at the ceiling, Lauren mentally reviewed and sometimes discarded her list of options. Her heart ached when she removed Lucas from the list. Somehow when they were on their way to the airport, it didn’t matter that Kendall was coming after her with the equivalent of a nuclear press release that would exterminate her career for the next ten thousand years. She had Lucas, and he made her feel invincible.

  And then reality crashed. Now she was alone and picking up the pieces. Not completely alone. She had called her sister the night before, worried that the news release would cause her sister concern. Nari had offered a place to stay and suggested Lauren contact UCSD for a job.

  It was a long, hard night for Lauren with several decisions to be made. It took hours for her racing mind to calm down, and another hour before she fell asleep. In that time, she mulled over her last avenue of employment. She would have to apply to a university. That was her last way out. Staying with her sister felt right. They didn’t always get along, but she was family, and right now Lauren needed that kind of support.

  The next morning Lauren told Sven, “I’m flying to my sister in San Diego on the next available flight. Thank you for everything. If I could use your computer to look up travel times, I’d like to fly out as soon as possible.”

/>   Her savings would be wiped out, and she’d be borrowing on credit cards by the time she finished moving her apartment from Miami to San Diego. Lauren rubbed her eyes.

  “I can look it up for you. Lucas should be here tomorrow. Don’t you want to wait for him?” Sven studied Lauren. She felt his gaze the way a guilty student feels a teacher’s warning stare. Except she had nothing to feel guilty about. Lucas had left her alone, running for her life. That said something. That said a lot of things. It told her who to trust, for one.

  “No. There’s nothing for me here.”

  LUCAS RECEIVED A COLD welcome in Sun Valley. Not that the people who did meet him were cold. Sven and Minka were there to greet him. With Hannah ready to give birth at any moment, Drake didn’t join the welcome party. But there was one significant person missing from the group. Lucas frowned as he looked from Sven to Minka. He said, “Where’s Lauren?”

  “She left for San Diego yesterday. We tried to talk her out of it,” Minka explained. She looked up at Sven, and Lucas could see immediately why the rumor of Sven quitting the business was true. Those two were totally in love.

  “Did she say anything?” Lucas couldn’t believe she’d just leave like that. Not when he was so close to joining her.

  “No. She was restless yesterday and just wanted to be gone.”

  Lucas rubbed his eyes. The day would not end. She must have thought he had abandoned her. Finally he said, “I guess I’m going to San Diego then. Sorry to have you drive out here for nothing. I’m booking the next flight out.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to rest first?”

  “No. Do you have her sister’s information? I could probably find her eventually but it’s a big city,” Lucas desperately wanted a shower. It would have to be a bathroom wash-up. He wasn’t letting Lauren get away.

  Minka dug through her purse. “I have her number here.”

  Minka scribbled the number on a notepad. Lucas folded it up and shoved it into his shorts’ pockets. His hand brushed the ring box. The minute he left the police station, he went home for it, determined to convince Lauren that her life wasn’t over with SpaceTech. His plans went completely off the rails. He said, “Thanks.”

  Lucas paced the airport in the hours before boarding and then fidgeted the whole flight. He replayed entire scenes in his mind of all of the things he wanted to say to Lauren, what she might say back, how he would convince her to come back to Miami with him.

  He still had a job. It had more to do with his two-year work ethic than the current flakiness that had him running from Miami. When he didn’t check in, his boss was worried sick. He made up a story about being broken down on his way to his aunt’s who had just lost her husband. He didn’t lie frequently, but he could really make up some whopping falsehoods when needed. His boss gave him two weeks.

  Fourteen days was not long at all.

  Lucas called from the airport. The phone rang twice before someone answered. It was a woman, but Lucas didn’t recognize the voice. He said, “Hello, this is Lucas.”

  She slammed the phone down.

  Oooookaaaay. So Lauren must be angry...and she passed that on to her sister. This was going to be more difficult than he thought. Fear Lucas could deal with. This was something...else.

  It was a bit funny, really. Lucas spent the past three hours imagining a conversation that would placate any fears Lauren might have about Kendall going after her He should have been thinking of a way to win her back. Well, now he knew.

  Lucas rang the number again. It rang seven times, eight, nine. Lucas gritted his teeth and let it go. Fifteen, sixteen. Holy cow, was the woman not going to pick up the phone? She should at least have an answering machine. At twenty Lucas hung up.

  A queue was starting to form behind Lucas. With a sigh, he put down the receiver and moved away from the phones. He would try again when the line of people finished their calls.

  Lucas strolled a bit, picking up a sandwich and a coffee at a deli inside the airport and eating it alone in the booth. It was getting late. He’d need to grab a shuttle to one of the surrounding hotels. That would be a better choice than hanging around the airport.

  He had this vision of Lauren running into his arms. That obviously was not going to happen. She wasn’t going to tell him how much she missed him. She wasn’t going to ask him if he was all right. He wasn’t going to go on one knee and propose. Oh, yes, he still carried that ring in his pocket. Don’t leave home without it.

  He bought a tourist tee-shirt in one of the local shops. Too bad they didn’t supply underwear as well. Hopping the shuttle, he decided to stay at the nearest Western Days Hotel. It wasn’t the most expensive hotel on the coast, but it had a pool and fitness room, as well as a few computers that patrons could use. Lucas needed those computers.

  Lucas showered with his underwear. He figured he’d wipe two problems off his list at once. Those underwear were practically ready to stand up on their own, and Lucas could not be held responsible for the damage he might do to himself or others if he had to wear the things one more night.

  He used the hotel shampoo and scrubbed his underwear with it, rubbing the edges together for five minutes. Chore finished, he wrung them out and hung them over the shower curtain. Then he turned attention to his body.

  Not only did the lack of cleanliness bug him, but Lucas was starting to feel out of sorts from lack of exercise. Before this whole debacle, Lucas hit the gym every day before work. Sure, he was a computer geek with hours of role playing and hacking into networks, but he knew the value of strength, of running across the beach without getting winded. It’s nice if you’re being chased to have a slight advantage over the guy you’re running from. Not to mention it took upper body strength to scale walls.

  Lucas was no slouch, but this past week left him feeling completely out of sorts. Hell, the whole month had gone sour—ever since the week after the best night of Lucas’ life. Who knew sex on the beach could be so much fun? Or mean so much? Or ruin two people’s lives?

  It was almost nine o’clock when Lucas tried Lauren’s sister again. He let the phone ring a long time. Maybe someone would pick it up out of annoyance. When no one answered, he grabbed the hotel notepad and pencil along with his wallet and hotel key and found the patron computer.

  The internet was slow and lacking in the kind of software or privacy Lucas would need for a direct assault on any other computer. He started with the easy stuff, typing in the phone number and hoping against hope that an address would pop up. Of course it didn’t.

  But the area code was a clue. Slowly and methodically, he narrowed down his results. No luck on a home address. Lauren had mentioned her sister, Nari, on more than one occasion by name, and also mentioned in passing that she worked as a legal secretary. Lucas couldn’t remember the name of the firm, even though Lauren had once mentioned it. He scrolled through the yellow pages and that triggered a memory. Scribbling down the address to the firm he vaguely remembered, Lucas pushed away from the computer, his butt sore from the fold-up chair. Satisfied with his progress, he went back to his room for some much-needed sleep. Tomorrow, he would hope his memory served him well.

  After checking out of the hotel, Lucas called a cab to Frederick and Sons Legal Services. He looked completely wrong for the building.

  He found Nari and after much begging, convinced her to let him see Lauren, at least to explain. Nari wouldn’t leave work for Lucas, so he spent much of the day in the café across the street...waiting.

  Chapter 16

  LAUREN PACED NARI’S living room floor, anxious and eager all at once. She stopped in the bathroom for the second time to apply lip gloss. Damn him. She was still playing ‘look nice’ for Lucas. Lauren took three deep breaths and returned to the computer to job hunt. On the pad next to her mouse, she had already crossed out UCSD, Marine World, the zoo, and seven tech companies located in southern California. At least three of the companies she contacted connected her name to the Miami spy scandal. Even though Ken
dall hadn’t used her name in the article.

  Nari’s call had been exciting, confusing, and crushing. Lauren wouldn’t take Lucas back, not without a superb explanation. Her uncles had died to the Khmer Rouge and she was short on trust to begin with. The twenty-five year distance didn’t remove the immediacy of her feelings when she considered her parents’ pain. If Lucas abandoned her to a group of military fanatics, he couldn’t be trusted. One thing Lauren knew, you had to have someone who you could rely on no matter what. If the crap hit, you needed someone who would risk a firing squad.

  With a groan, Lauren shook her head. She was not going to think about Lucas anymore. They could cross words after Nari drove him home. Lauren needed to find a job. Now. She wasn’t about to mooch off her little sister, and finances were tight, especially with her failed move to Miami and the need to move everything back.

  There was a small community of marine biologists who traveled out of southern California to study marine mammals. They focused on linguistics and social behavior. Lauren picked up the phone. She closed her eyes and swallowed. She hadn’t spoken to her old college roommate in five years. It was a long shot. They parted on good terms, but the whole focus of their career paths had diverged so widely that neither really connected much except the occasional note and Christmas card to see how the other was doing.

  Voicemail. Lauren left a message with her sister’s number.

  It was four-thirty. Lucas would be there in an hour. Lauren was tempted to change. She was wearing her sister’s t-shirt and jeans. She couldn’t get him out of her head. She walked the house again, grabbed a drink of water, peered out the window at the tame subdivision where her sister lived.

  Apply to two more jobs. Then we’ll see what Lucas has to say.

  Lauren attacked the next two applications with gusto, throwing herself into the work and trying very hard not to let thoughts of Lucas distract her. The submissions were online. When she hit the second submit button, it was five-thirty.